Closet Music

I can make you feel like it doesen't matter if your clothes are too feminine, your gait is slightly too bouncy or that you're haunted by that one reckless night. You thought you'd repressed the memory so deeply. You filed it in amongst the images of naked family members and Two Girls, One Cup. Surely no one would ever, could never, find out. But I know... I know.

Blank - Shirt Off
Munk - Down In LA (Shazam Edit)
Mr Flash - Eagle Eyez

Something Funky And Haunted....

I wish for nothing more in this life than to be able to transport myself, through space and time, to the epicentre of each of my favourite hip-hop movements. One day, when we've stopped worrying about the bees, we'll work it out. Then we can holiday to New York in 1981 to rub shoulders with Zorro hat wearing grandmasters.

Ok so you've just got back to your Brooklyn apartment with your friend Lance, new bright blue suit in hand, you tune in to WBLS for Mr Magic's show, Ecstacy, Jalil and Grandmaster Dee are wonderfully courteous and explain to you how rap works in Magic's Wand. The vocoder edit of The Haunted House Of Rock wins because it brings to mind images of robots dressed as zombies doing the thriller dance with Kylie-style face microphones.

Whodini - Haunted House Of Rock (Vocoder Version)

Now we're in LA, early 90s, with Fatlip (before the coke), J Swift (before the crack), because if you're like me, you'd rather smoke joints with Slimkid3 and Bootie Brown then jock bitches and slap hoes with Eazy E and Dr Dre. Like a lot of The Pharcydes material this song is better with motion and sunlight. So when you arrive in LA in 92, after you rent the low-rider, cruise up and down the beach with Passing Me By on full.

The Pharcyde - Passing Me By

It would be way more fun to hang out with Biggie than Tupac. I'd much rather consume excessive amounts of Hennessey, smoke joints rolled proper and fuck many bitches, big booty bitches, than get arrested for sodomy. You only have to watch this to understand. I guess this part of the transchronoteleportation holiday would be pretty short. I'm scared of guns.

Notorious B.I.G. - Friend Of Mine

Now were back in 2009 for some far less threatening tunes by Chicago rapper Vyle. Possible is produced by hot new Shazam who with 80s disco dance finesse has groomed Vyle's Chi-town flow to make Possible sound like a hybrid of The Cool Kids and Chromeo. You soon realise this tune would be most at home at a party in Beverly Hills while everyone sips Cristal and no one likes each other. It's a beautiful kind of hip hop - makes you feel rich.


Vyle - Possible (produced by Shazam)

You'd think on a global hip-hop megatrip you'd probaly finish up in LA, New york or maybe London but not Sweden. MOVITS, music 'for mothers and art directors', are Aryan, gyspy hip-hopsters that make me want to dance in the street, be chased by bulls away from the art I was admiring and have lorry loads of tomatoes thrown at my well-groomed, blonde moustache. they are the reason I like music I can't understand, especially this. Swedish is pretty.

Movits! - Äppelknyckarjazz